Book Review: I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just Not You

I’m happy to bring you a book review today that falls outside the category of the typical fiction (Man Made) or non-fiction (A Child in Berlin) books I’ve reviewed here at Between the Bookends. I’ve always been fascinated by humanity–what makes us human–which, I suppose explains my B.A. in humanities. But the older I’ve gotten, the more people have been added to my life that I didn’t choose, whether that’s family members or people at work or anything else you can think of. So, I’m still fascinated by humanity, particularly how we tick. How is it that one person can be so affected by something while another didn’t even notice it? How can something matter so much to someone that doesn’t matter at all to someone else?

I’ve read a few books on the subject and today am reviewing one of my all-time favorites, I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just Not You by Roger R. Pearman and Sarah C. Albritton.

A Book and a Cuppa

As usual, I’m sharing a cuppa to go with my book review. As neither a coffee nor a tea drinker, my cuppas have recipes to go with them. I kinda love seeing all the spices floating around here in the cup. This is such a warm, cozy drink. The mulled cider spice mix can be mixed with either apple juice or cranberry juice (both are excellent). Leave it in the crock pot for a couple of hours and enjoy! Find the recipe here.

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I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just Not You

This book is an incredibly insightful look into how people look at life, how they prioritize things, and why this varies so widely among individuals. As noted in the description above, we do have a natural tendency to judge difference. When something thinks or acts differently than we do, it’s easy to make assumptions, particularly when we can’t understand at all their motives.

In my experience, people who talk about personality type fall into two categories: those who think it explains everything and those who think it puts people in boxes. If you are one of the former, this book might actually change your life. If you are one of the latter, approach this with an open mind and you will be shocked at how your efforts to understand others can improve your relationships with them. If you are also open to understanding yourself better, too, this book might actually change your life.

When I personally learned about the personality type theory years ago, it helped me with one specific relationship that really mattered to me that I just could not figure out. Understanding now that this person likes to have all his options open to him before making a decision, even if he waits so long that some options go away, has actually changed my stress level when working with him. I have learned that he likes options as much as–and sometimes more than–having a final decision. As a person who likes having the decisions laid out in front of me, thinking them through as best I can, and then making a decision in good time before some of them go away, his approach made no sense to me at all. And my approach makes no sense to him at all. Mutual understanding, then, for how each of us actually likes to do this, how each of us chooses to live based on our innate preferences, has brought peace to a relationship that previously struggled with it.

This, I think, speaks to how this type of in-depth study of people does not, in fact, put anyone in a box.

It does, on the other hand, help us understand better why someone’s way of “helping” comes across as criticism, why someone reads so much into conversations, and why someone values everyone getting along while someone else prioritizes facts no matter the fallout.

For me, the step back that this book forces you to take as you look at how people tick is an important part of understanding others. But it goes beyond that and also helps us think through other aspects of ourselves.

While I initially was drawn to the study and understanding of personality types in order to understand others in my life, I have come to a greater understanding of myself as well. It is has been an incredibly validating experience to see that how I think, process things, interact with others, etc. is as valid as someone else’s tendency to do the opposite. I have written in the margins throughout this book: “Oh my gosh” when I recognized myself in certain descriptions, and “This is me” in others.

This is a book I honestly wish everyone would read. The insights into self, relationships, expectations, understanding, and communication are life-changing and invaluable. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to see more in themselves and in others than they see now, who wants to improve relationships and connections through understanding. Respect and love someone a little more by reading “I’m Not Crazy, I’m Just Not You.”